i'm in such a bad shape.
can't stand on my own two feet
i need somebody beside me.
but i don't seem to have much to choose from.
no one cares.
no one stops to think. about anything.
it brings me to tears.
i've been crying for three days.
at school, on the street, in my confy darkened room.
still, no one seems to care.
somebody asked me what was happening to me yesterday.
the one who asked is really important to me.
it was my best friend.
i'm thrilled to know that she cares.
i love that girl to death.
but sometimes, i just think she doesn't listen to me.
but she doesn't have to.
i feel like i'm all by myself. i always were.
i feel like somebody took my life
and sent it away. and i can't have it back.

i've changed a lot.
something happened.
i have no idea what went wrong.
i try not to take it out on my friends,
cause as far as i know,
they didn't do anything they shouldn't have done.

i'm for sure not the girl
you wanna fall in love with.
i'm for sure not the girl
who'll fall in love with you.
it takes a lot for me to be in love.
yes, i've been in love. several times.
and i always ended up the same old way,
crying all by myself.

i'm around so many people...
but they're just bodies,
no one's really here.

i've tried to end my life
but i failed.
and that's why i think i don't deserve to live.
i can't do anything right.

i'm 14 years old,
and i'm on a decadence spiral.
if that's normal? i don't think so.
if that's good? not at all.
i don't feel like i'm ok here,
i sometimes think i'll end up hurting so many people,
that i'll end up alone.
but i don't care.
it wouldn't make such a difference.
but i wouldn't like to see my friends hurt.
i love them all to death,
and i'd give my life for them any day.
they know that.
if they don't, they're not my friends.

decadence, decadence, decadence.
that's everything my head can think about,
everything my hears can hear,
everything my mouth can say.

i'm going crazy.
don't try to help me,
or you'll drown with me.
to the bottom of the darkest hole.

i'm just sick of this life.